WHy Does Kestrel Fields Studio Matter?

When I was choosing a major in college, I found myself telling myself, "I can't major in art. I'll never have a steady job." 

Somehow, even though I loved making things and wanted to major in art, I had received the message--loud and clear--that art wasn't a good enough subject to study. If I did choose art, I'd be destitute my whole life, I'd have to depend on my parents for money, and that it would lead nowhere. I would "never use my major" and have a successful career.

I hated these "facts," although I couldn't necessarily articulate my disdain back then. Eventually, I came to see that this way of thinking was a narrative, a value that had been encultured into me from somewhere. Perhaps my family of origin, my US culture, my middle-classness, my gender... any number of places.

After college, even when I went to art events, even when I made art, even when I talked to my best friend about calling myself an "artist," I couldn't say it out loud. I couldn't own it as an identity. 

In 2008 I attended an art retreat with other artists. That weekend, I finally felt my calling profoundly wash over me as we painted and glued and processed together. It was so sudden and strong that I burst into tears. I was an Artist. And I needed to make some changes to my life so that I could be that.

I did! I moved to a new house that had designated art space (and over the last several years have commandeered even more of the house for art!). I reduced my hours at the day job. I took art history at the university, which led to more art history, then drawing and painting, then printmaking and sculpture, and finally, wonderfully, fiber art.

Also, so began the fight to justify, to rationalize, to validate my Artist self to my parents and extended family, to my colleagues at work, and to anyone I met who was older than me. 

As my skills developed, I started noticing that some people started taking me more seriously. As I met other artists, I learned how I could turn this into a career if I wanted to, and I made some effort to do so. Some of my work got accepted into art shows. I had a couple of years of having booths at Christmastime art fairs.

In 2018 I designed my own art residency.

In 2020 I had my very first solo art exhibit.

These things made me FINALLY feel like I was an Artist with a capital A.